It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize