i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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