Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
