I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize