we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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