perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
