Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
