I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Still dying that you shit outside
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
