pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize