I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
