found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
