the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
