Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
