First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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