he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
