After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
