Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
