that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize