Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize