sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
