Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
