erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wear drunk well.
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