You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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