so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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