I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
ok first of all what the fuck
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
