Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
