imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
