those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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