Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
