Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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