Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize