So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
