why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
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