Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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