You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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