it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize