hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
