Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
