how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Randomize
