It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
