R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
