I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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