I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Randomize
