I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize