and my herpes radar will keep us safe
nutella sex= disaster
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
