drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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