you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
