I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
