Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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