see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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