dude i'm inner monologue high
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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