they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
