do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I yelled at your uterus for you.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize