dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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