You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
