You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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