And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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