I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
