so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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