Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Randomize
