You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
