Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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