Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
