I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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