you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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